I told you that I think of random things,
therefore, I’m going to comment on the Oscars that I will, indeed, be
watching this Sunday. Yes, I know, I’m like one of the few people that
actually watch that shiz.
So, here is a list of the Best Picture nominees, and how I feel about them. By the way, yes, I know that I haven’t watched ANY of these films, but I feel like it is my duty as an American to judge something of which I have no experience in. You know how we do.
The Artist - Okay, so I really want to see this movie. Like, a lot. I love throwbacks to old time cinema, and black and white movies happen to be some of my favorite things to watch. TCM, thank you very much. I predict this one will be the winner. And if it isn’t … well, expect someone to be very disappointed. I mean, how could you not love a movie that doesn’t speak until the very end? COME ON.
The Descendants - Why do people like George Clooney? Shailene Woodley looked amazing in this film, however. To be honest … that’s about all it has going for it. I mean, isn’t this movie about divorce or something? Who wants to go to a movie and be depressed for an hour and a half? Not I.
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close - Ugh. This was supposed to be “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” … yeah, I’m still bitter. Bite me. I think the only real reason this movie was nominated was because of it’s association with 9/11. That seems bad to say, but … come on. It came out of nowhere until the Academy Awards were announced. There are insiders in the nomination rooms, I’ll tell you that much.
The Help - I actually DID see this movie. My opinion on it is that it was a decently made film, but … I don’t think it is best picture material. Looking at past winners, this film just doesn’t seem to have the right ingredients. Enough for a nomination, sure. Maybe even a best actress win for Viola Davis (who I hope doesn’t get it, to be honest, because Rooney Mara was amazing in “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”), but just not Oscar winning material for best pic.
Hugo - Why does The Academy like honoring Martin Scorsese? This film looked everything but interesting. Sacha Baron Cohen needs to stick with what he does best, and that’s be ignorant characters from foreign lands.
Midnight in Paris - A good film by someone who needs to be honored more: Woody Allen. The poor guy always seems to get dissed at the Oscars. “Vicky Christina Barcelona” was absolutely amazing, and all it won was a best actress award for Penelope Cruz (which was a just win). WHY IS THIS GUY NOT LOVED MORE?!
Moneyball - Brad Pitt? Check. Baseball? Check. Best Picture win? Crickets.
The Tree of Life - Brad Pitt again? Check. Anything remotely related to a tree? Not in the least bit.
War Horse - This year’s “Marley and Me,” we are supposed to be feel bad about a horse that is separated from his owner. And we actually do, but for some reason this film isn’t getting love. Then again, it’s Steven Spielberg, and pretty much the dude is a shoo-in for a nomination at least.
So yeah, that is my list. I’m quite sure a lot of people are going to attack the hell out of me for dissing what are considered decent movies, but whatever, if that’s your prerogative, go for it. The only movie that is really worthy of this award is “The Artist,” and that seems like it’s going to be the one that will win. I have no problem with that.
What movie do you think will win?
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